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| How I lived before (my first fanfiction :3) | |
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| Topic Started: 11 Apr 2014, 18:35 (7044 Views) | |
| Night fury fire | 11 Apr 2014, 18:35 Post #1 |
[b] [color=blue]We're fangirls! It's an occupational hazard... [/color] [/b] 
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How I lived before (httyd fanfic) This is chapter 1 of my first fanfic I apologise for any mistakes "Shadow...shadow!" Yelled sliverstar the words echoing through the cave. Shadow was busy talking to scarface a stubborn monstrous nightmare who also happened to be leader of the clan. "I'll be in in just a minute" called shadow. Sliverstar growled. She was tempted to eat his share of the meal. Finally shadow flew over from the nearby sea stack and joined sliverstar. "What did that old fish face want this time" grumbled sliverstar. Shadow had a nervous look on his face. "Shadow what is it" sliverstar said suspiciously fearing she already knew the answer. "....a raid...on berk" shadow mumbled. " no shadow not again!" Groaned sliverstar. " but slivey I have to, the queen is hungry and we are running out of food to feed ourselves!"."shadow you can't go now not when the baby is about to hatch". Sliverstar gestured to a single egg lying on a nest of straw and twigs. Like the dragons themselves the egg was sleek and smooth and was the darkest black in colour. " we may be the last 2 night furys alive". "I...just don't want to lose you" said sliverstar looking up at shadow with sad azure blue eyes. "Slivey don't worry,I promise I will be safe" shadow said reassuringly. "When are you leaving?" she asked. " tomorrow" said shadow. Sliverstar looked down at her dinner, a small and rather pathetic looking herring. She hated to admit it but shadow was right, they did need more food especially with the new baby coming. Sliverstar nuzzled shadow."be safe my brave warrior" she whispered. Shadow purred in the classic night fury way, and they both tucked in to their small 'dinner' Hope you guys like it! In chapter 2 shadow leaves to raid berk and their baby hatches (toothless) Please tell me how I did 
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| Night fury fire | 11 Apr 2014, 19:00 Post #2 |
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[b] [color=blue]We're fangirls! It's an occupational hazard... [/color] [/b]
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Chapter 2 will be coming soon!
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<- me seeing httyd 2
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| Night fury fire | 11 Apr 2014, 20:01 Post #3 |
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[b] [color=blue]We're fangirls! It's an occupational hazard... [/color] [/b]
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Chapter 2 "Sliverstar..." Said shadow quietly nudging her."wat..huh" groaned sliverstar surprised to have woken up."Sliverstar the baby's here!" Yelled shadow. Sliverstars eyes snapped open. Indeed shadow was right the egg was quivering. Sliverstar got to feet and ran over to the egg carefully picking it up in her mouth. Much to shadows surprise she ran out of the cave and scrambled down the pathway to the ocean below. Shadow followed. Sliverstar then simply dropped the egg into the icey cold water below and shadows jaw dropped to the ground. "What did you do that for!!" Yelled shadow. Sliverstar looked at him confused. Shadow jumped as flash of bright light came from the ocean and moments later an adorable and wet baby night fury hauled itself up unto land, taking his first steps . " you do know that eggs explode do you?" Said sliverstar looking over at shadow. " uh... Yeah! I knew that" shadow lied. They turned there attention to the baby who was looking up at them with wide curious eyes. " looks like its a boy" smiled sliverstar. "He looks just like you " said shadow. Sliverstar was dark black like the night sky but shadow was more of a greyish colour. "Except for the eyes" said sliverstar. "He has your eyes". They were indeed the eyes of his father, pale green, whereas sliverstars eyes where deep blue. Sliverstar picked up the baby and her and shadow walked up to the cave. Sliverstar then gave the hungry boy his first meal, regurgitated fish yum! It was nearly dawn and the sun was coming up over the horizon and glinting off the water. "We will name him darkwing after your dad" said sliverstar. Shadow was about to protest when he heard a dragon calling him outside, he listened for a moment. " slivey I have to go" said shadow. "I will be back in a week". Sliverstar didn't protest she knew she could not stop him. " goodbye my love" she said. The two dragons kissed each other goodbye and shadow took off for berk Ok chapter two done Not sure what to write in chapter3 it will defiantly be about young darkwing (toothless) Thanks for reading please review
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<- me seeing httyd 2
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| AndyMay | 11 Apr 2014, 20:07 Post #4 |
[b] [color=#d51c1c]The Lemon God [/color] [/b]
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I haven't read them fully yet but I've skimmed them and I think you need to do a little more proof reading before you publish them. Plus I, personally, think it would be better if you made the chapters much longer than this. finally, I think it's best if instead of making each chapter just one massive paragraph, you break it up instead! Hope this helps, if only a little! |
 Top Poester for 6 Months Award
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| Night fury fire | 11 Apr 2014, 20:10 Post #5 |
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[b] [color=blue]We're fangirls! It's an occupational hazard... [/color] [/b]
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Thank you so much this is my first fanfic and I don't have a huge amount of ideas but I will defiantly break them up into paragraphs thanks for the advice
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| Night fury fire | 11 Apr 2014, 20:18 Post #6 |
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[b] [color=blue]We're fangirls! It's an occupational hazard... [/color] [/b]
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Ok I've decided in chapter 3 something bad will happen |
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<- me seeing httyd 2
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| Night fury fire | 11 Apr 2014, 20:27 Post #7 |
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[b] [color=blue]We're fangirls! It's an occupational hazard... [/color] [/b]
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I'm reposting chapter 1 and 2 broken up into paragraphs so they are easier to read |
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<- me seeing httyd 2
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| Night fury fire | 11 Apr 2014, 20:28 Post #8 |
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[b] [color=blue]We're fangirls! It's an occupational hazard... [/color] [/b]
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How I lived before (httyd fanfic) Chapter 1 "Shadow...shadow!" Yelled sliverstar the words echoing through the cave. Shadow was busy talking to scarface a stubborn monstrous nightmare who also happened to be leader of the clan. "I'll be in in just a minute" called shadow. Sliverstar growled. She was tempted to eat his share of the meal. Finally shadow flew over from the nearby sea stack and joined sliverstar. "What did that old fish face want this time" grumbled sliverstar. Shadow had a nervous look on his face. "Shadow what is it" sliverstar said suspiciously fearing she already knew the answer. "....a raid...on berk" shadow mumbled. " no shadow not again!" Groaned sliverstar. " but slivey I have to, the queen is hungry and we are running out of food to feed ourselves!". "shadow you can't go now not when the baby is about to hatch". Sliverstar gestured to a single egg lying on a nest of straw and twigs. Like the dragons themselves the egg was sleek and smooth and was the darkest black in colour. " we may be the last two night furys alive". "I...just don't want to lose you" said sliverstar looking up at shadow with sad azure blue eyes. "Slivey don't worry,I promise I will be safe" shadow said reassuringly. "When are you leaving?" she asked. " tomorrow" said shadow. Sliverstar looked down at her dinner, a small and rather pathetic looking herring. She hated to admit it but shadow was right, they did need more food especially with the need new baby coming. Sliverstar nuzzled shadow."be safe my brave warrior" she whispered. Shadow purred in the classic night fury way, and they both tucked in to their small 'dinner' |
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<- me seeing httyd 2
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| Night fury fire | 11 Apr 2014, 20:33 Post #9 |
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[b] [color=blue]We're fangirls! It's an occupational hazard... [/color] [/b]
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Chapter 2 "Sliverstar..." Said shadow quietly nudging her."what..huh" groaned sliverstar surprised to have woken up."Sliverstar the baby's here!" Yelled shadow. Sliverstars eyes snapped open. Indeed shadow was right the egg was quivering. Sliverstar got to feet and ran over to the egg carefully picking it up in her mouth. Much to shadows surprise she ran out of the cave and scrambled down the pathway to the ocean below. Shadow followed. Sliverstar then simply dropped the egg into the icey cold water below and shadows jaw dropped to the ground. "What did you do that for!!" Yelled shadow. Sliverstar looked at him confused. Shadow jumped as flash of bright light came from the ocean and moments later an adorable and wet baby night fury hauled itself up unto land, taking his first steps . " you do know that eggs explode do you?" Said sliverstar looking over at shadow. " uh... Yeah! I knew that" shadow lied. They turned there attention to the baby who was looking up at them with wide curious eyes. " looks like its a boy" smiled sliverstar. "He looks just like you " said shadow. Sliverstar was dark black like the night sky but shadow was more of a greyish colour. "Except for the eyes" said sliverstar. "He has your eyes". They were indeed the eyes of his father, pale green, whereas sliverstars eyes where deep blue. Sliverstar picked up the baby and her and shadow walked up to the cave. Sliverstar then gave the hungry boy his first meal, regurgitated fish, yum! It was nearly dawn and the sun was coming up over the horizon and glinting off the water. "We will name him darkwing after your dad" said sliverstar. Shadow was about to protest when he heard a dragon calling him outside, he listened for a moment. " slivey I have to go" said shadow. "I will be back in a week". Sliverstar didn't protest she knew she could not stop him. " goodbye my love" she said. The two dragons kissed each other goodbye and shadow took off for berk |
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<- me seeing httyd 2
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| Night fury fire | 12 Apr 2014, 06:07 Post #10 |
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[b] [color=blue]We're fangirls! It's an occupational hazard... [/color] [/b]
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Chapter 3 Sliverstar was sitting at the front of the cave. She was looking out at the wild ocean, wishing she could see into the distance, to berk. "Mom mom!". Her daydream was interrupted by her son darkwing. Now 2 weeks old darkwing was curious like any baby dragon would be. "I caught a fish!" He said proudly lifting up his kill. The fish was so tiny it looked more like a tadpole."well done my little angel!" She said nuzzling him. As soon as she became uninterested in the fish she walked back to usual spot and once more began daydreaming. "Um...mom" said darkwing. "Yes son" she replied. "When is dad coming back". Sliverstar flinched as if she had just been stabbed with a dagger. She turned around, her voice was trembling. "I...I...don't know" she said One week earlier sliverstar, darkwing and some other dragons were waiting on a cliff for the clans return. First came scarface the leader of the clan. Then came the monstrous nightmares, followed by the deadly nadders. Then the zipplebacks and gronkles. Sliverstar waited until she was the only dragon left sitting there. But she had to face the facts. Shadow had not returned Desperate to find her husband sliverstar went to the chief. "The battle was very chaotic". "I'm sorry but don't know the whereabouts of shadow". Sliverstar day after day went flying all around the archipelago calling his name. But after a week, her hopes dwindled. Sliverstar simply sat a the front of the cave sighing and looking out to sea " I'm going hunting" said sliverstar later on that day at dusk. "You behave yourself" she warned. Darkwing nodded and with one beat of her vast wings sliverstar was gone. Darkwing jumped up on to a nearby rock and settled himself before falling into a deep sleep "Ahhhhh". Darkwings eyes burst open in terror. It was night now and sliverstar had not yet returned. In the distance through the fog he could see flashes of bright light and he could just make out the outlines of dragons. "Vikings" he whispered in fear. Darkwing had heard many stories of these evil creatures. None of them had been nice stories and many involved death. Petrified darkwing ran to the back of the cave and hid Moments later darkwing heard a thud at the front of the cave. Terrified darkwing poked his trembling head out to see what had caused the noise. With a sigh of relief he saw it was his mom back from her hunt. "mom!" He cried. But something was wrong. Sliverstar said nothing but hobbled into the cave before collapsing in a crumpled heap. "Mom!" Yelled darkwing. Darkwing then saw it. A wound, an arrow wound. "I'm ok I'm fine" she said weakly. "I just got this by accident..there was abit of trouble guarding the nest". But darkwing wasn't convinced. "Come here" said sliverstar. Darkwing walked over. "Darkwing" said sliverstar. "One day you will grow up to be like your dad". "But promise me one thing" she said. Darkwing listened. "Don't kill for the sake of killing" she said. "There are good dragons and bad dragons in this world, and it's the same with humans"."so when you are big and are going on raids please don't kill unless you have to". Darkwing lay down beside her "I will" he said. In chapter 4 What will happen to silverstar? Cliffhanger |
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