cometotheberkside

27 May 2014, 01:56

I'd like to do some edits on this if you guys don't mind, basically just more detail and I will bold words that I will edit and use asterisks and stuff. If you think that there's too much detail then just tell me and I will pull back!

MudkipStar

27 May 2014, 02:03

Which site though, that is the question...

It's ok alex ^.^ I'll send you the invite once I get it.

MudkipStar

27 May 2014, 01:49

Shnuckles

27 May 2014, 01:46

There you guys go. If you grab it an makes some changes and add to it, make sure you tell people so they don't do the same thing. Anyway, here!

Spoiler: click to toggle

It's been a few years since the battle with the Red Death, and since then life on Berk had been thriving. The inhabitants of the island were no longer worried of a dragon raid, but were now waiting with anticipation for the dragon racing to begin.

Hiccup was racing with his friends, happy and feeling like nothing could possibly ruin his mood. He clicks the tail fin, and Toothless banks sharply, swerving around Fishlegs and Meatlug as he slowly took the lead. As Night Furies were the fastest dragons and Hiccup was the best rider, they always started behind the others - but that didn't stop them from winning almost every time, much to Astrid's disappointment, though seeing him happy, it was hard to be mad at him..

As he and Toothless streaked through the air, passing the others and gradually taking the lead, Hiccup thought back to what had happened over the past few years. It had been two or three years since the fall of the Red Death at the hands of Hiccup and Toothless, and although it had happened slowly, dragons had found their niche in Berk's society - although admittedly there were a few houses that had to be rebuilt along the way.

As he thought back, he remembered the day that dragon racing was unofficially created when Snotlout and the twins got bored and decided to start racing each other. As the races continued, the other teens gradually started to join in, with Hiccup being the last to start racing. After a few accusations of cheating which no one could prove since there were no rules, they created rules for the races, and the sport of dragon racing was born.

Hiccup and the beast under him won the game... again. But the crowd cheered as they always did. It made the rider smile and the dragon croon in pleasure at the appreciation of his hard flying.

This is Berk, he thought. The only place on earth where people and dragons coexist. People here call me a hero. I just did what I thought was best for my friend. No one could predict what happened next. This new world was created. It's beautiful. The dragons have helped to build Berk. We are farther progressed in the world than any other tribe in the archipelago. Plus, the dragons are a great defense. Yep, dragons are truly a gift from the gods.

I think the thoughts should probably be in present since he's thinking them. A couple were in past tense that should be present. I changed it.

MudkipStar

27 May 2014, 01:49

Shnuckles

27 May 2014, 01:46

There you guys go. If you grab it an makes some changes and add to it, make sure you tell people so they don't do the same thing. Anyway, here!

Spoiler: click to toggle

It's been a few years since the battle with the Red Death, and since then life on Berk had been thriving. The inhabitants of the island were no longer worried of a dragon raid, but were now waiting with anticipation for the dragon racing to begin.

Hiccup was racing with his friends, happy and feeling like nothing could possibly ruin his mood. He clicked the tail fin, and Toothless banks sharply, swerving around Fishlegs and Meatlug as he slowly took the lead. As Night Furies were the fastest dragons and Hiccup was the best rider, they always started behind the others - but that didn't stop them from winning almost every time, much to Astrid's disappointment, though seeing him happy, it was hard to be mad at him..

As he and Toothless streaked through the air, passing the others and gradually taking the lead, Hiccup thought back to what had happened over the past few years. It had been two or three years since the fall of the Red Death at the hands of Hiccup and Toothless, and although it had happened slowly, dragons had found their niche in Berk's society - although admittedly there were a few houses that had to be rebuilt along the way.

As his memories flowed back to him, he remembered the day that dragon racing was unofficially created. It was a peaceful day when Snotlout and the twins got bored and decided to start racing each other. As the races continued, the other teens gradually started to join in, with Hiccup being the last to start racing. After a few accusations of cheating which no one could prove since there were no rules, they created rules for the races, and the sport of dragon racing was born.

Hiccup and the beast under him won the game... again. But the crowd cheered as they always did, a cacophony of applause and shouted compliments. It made the rider smile.

This is Berk, he thought. The only place on earth where people and dragons coexist. People here call me a hero, but I just did what I thought was best for my friend. No one could predict what happened next. This new world was created. It's beautiful. The dragons have helped to build Berk. We are farther progressed in the world than any other tribe in the archipelago. Plus, the dragons are a great defense. Yep, dragons are truly a gift from the gods.

I think the thoughts should probably be in present since he's thinking them. A couple were in past tense that should be present. I changed it.