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Topic Started: 22 Sep 2014, 03:03 (905 Views)
WasBornCrazy
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i dont think my avatar is working but ehh

Ok, so, my friend bet me that I can't write for my life. I can't, but I'm still trying to prove her wrong.

Can someone pleeaaase tell me if this is good enough to shove into my friend's face.

(It's only what I'd like to call, a 'teaser')
...
 
The chief's son was inside the giant house. His name was Hiccup. Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third. He was seven years old when his life merged into another.

It was like every other raid. The beasts swooping in destroying everything and the Vikings fighting back. The night was one of the worst nights, with new beasts coming in. The little Vikings were watching from their houses, or what's left of the burning huts.

Seven year old Hiccup was also in his house that night. But this time, he was taken away. Not many people knew what happened exactly. It was known, though, that the heir was taken by a strange new dragon. One with four wings. They reckoned the dragon thought him to be a tasty snack, due to his small size.

The only people who entirely knew what occured that night, were Stoick and Valka. The former shutdown, while Valka changed. Their chief no longer smiled, and his wife no longer tried to stop people from hurting these beasts. In fact, she killed more than a few herself.

Both parents swore revenge on the beast.

And yet, while both were at the scene when Hiccup was taken, none realised it was that particular dragon that flew the opposite way. It flew north. It flew away from the other dragons.

It fled from the nest.
i'm not very active anymore!! it's sad, but i'll come back sometimes to feel nostalgic ahaha
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hcsp1
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My only master is the free wind

Not bad at all. Although, some improvments if I may suggest:

1) Use of words. You wrote "The night was one of the worst nights", maybe "That night was one of the worst nights" or "Tonight was one of the worst nights". Just helps the story to flow better.

2) It is mentioned that after the dragon kidnapped Hiccup, Stoick never smiled and Valka was no longer against killing dragons and even killed her share. Now, we, as fans that know the characters understand this change; but let's assume someone who never heard of HTTYD reads this, he will have no idea why this is so important for him to know because he doesn't know who these people were before Hiccup was taken away from there. Point being? Flesh out the characters more before throwing them into conflict(Though, you did say this was a teaser so maybe you planned this in the full thing).

3) Hiccup is mentioned to be 7 years old. Wouldn't it be a good idea to tell us what he thinks while this was happening? I mean, did he try to run away? Defend himself? Something? Again, a bit more fleshing out.

Other than these tips, there is one very important thing you should know if you plan to ever write. Practice and reading other works is all you need to get good at this. I myself started writing fan fictions a year and a few months ago, and as I started to write more and more I felt like I got better at it. My biggest tip, take every criticism you get as a word of advice and if you ever read something that you really liked, try and replcate what you liked about it in your own stuff(And by that I mean, style of writing and story telling. Not actual plot elements).

Good luck!
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